I received several responses from you dear readers with regards to my last post, thank you. Most of them were very kind. Some have asked for help because of similar situations they were facing. And it was heartening to know people were reaching out.
In this day and age of social media, too many people have false fronts, posting ideal lifestyles and pretty pictures but the reality of their lives may not be such. I am not saying that people should be airing their dirty laundry on social media. But what I am saying is that it is easy to get caught thinking that everyone else live ideal lives except you. 🙂
Anyway, we are all here on this planet to learn and grow, and no one, and I repeat no one is spared from difficulties and challenges. Even the most enlightened teacher or guru has his/her challenges, and in fact, may I say that their challenges may be manifolds compared to ours, due to the higher level of consciousness and demands to maintain their level of enlightenment!
In today’s sharing, I like to answer a question that a few of you have asked me: How did I maintain my focus to do my work, and not let the anger steer me away from my focus.
Well to begin, it is important that you know how I view anger. I was taught by a spiritual teacher that anger can be both your best friend and your enemy. It is like fire, it really depends on how you want to use it. If you use it well, it will become your best friend, but if you do not “control” it, it may well become your enemy.
I grew up fearing anger. I was taught that anger is bad and that I must never express it (I was a very bad tempered child). By the time I was six or seven, I was ‘in control’. I never showed my anger or threw a temper tantrum again, because I was ‘trained’ not to. So I grew up with a false idea of what anger was. Thinking that being angry meant I was a bad person. Through life’s learning, and having come across that spiritual teacher those many years ago who taught me otherwise, I was better able to have a more realistic view of anger.
The next thing you must understand is how I view my life’s purpose. My life’s purpose and being able to fulfill it is everything to me. It is my life. And to be honest, it is more important than a spouse or a partner to me. I know that this may be a little unusual from the norm, but I guess this has been embedded in my DNA that this is why I am consumed by my life’s purpose! I feel that if my life’s purpose is in order, come what may in other aspect of my life, I will be able to handle it.
My life’s purpose/mission is like my compass. It allows me to stay focused and be on top of things. It also gives me a clearer perspective about things in life. This is not to say that I do not sometimes lose track of this compass! Even if I stray from it, it remains there for me to find it again so that I can get on with life once again.
With life’s purpose, I also learned that in order to do a better job in what I hope to accomplish in my purpose and mission, I must constantly be upgrading myself. This is where I become a course/workshop/self development books/online learning junkie. I am always looking out for something to learn, a course to take and so on. I feel if I do not keep learning, I will keep on falling.
So all of these really helped me to stay focus, despite the challenges I faced in my personal relationship. At the end of the day, I know that a failed marriage/relationship does not make me a failed person. It takes two to make a relationship, and with the unique and unusual situation of the relationship and the condition that my ex-partner has, I cannot make it the centre of the universe.
Because relationships do not create my happiness. I am the sole cause of my happiness.