The Bad Habit Of Victimisation

A photo by Matthew Wiebe. other day I observed some people getting caught in the cycle and habit of victimisation.

They were late for an event, and so because it was a full house, they were locked out. They tried to open the locked door but to no avail. So they lamented to whoever wanted to listen, that they needed to get in, and why was locked, and that they traveled all the way there and not able to get in, it was such a wasted trip and on and on.

As I stood there, listening and observing all of these, I saw how they were trying to manipulate the situation, trying to gain sympathy so that they could get a band of people to help them protest. Of course, these were not running through their minds as they lamented. I do not think anyone consciously want to do these. It is simply a habit.

A habit that we learned as children. When we complained loud enough and cry hard enough, we would get our way. And so as adults, we do the same thing, over and over again.

You might also have in your journey of life, observed that people who are trapped in this cycle rarely become successful in whatever they set out to do. And this means that more than 95% of us, (maybe more) may never find success, simply because we are trapped in the habit of feeling, thinking and behaving like victims. Thinking it is someone else, or situation’s fault and that all these things are happening TO US. And we feel powerless, and so we just complain.

A recent viral video illustrating the wealth distribution in the USA, was shocking to many. They could not believe that only a small percentage of the super wealthy control a mega large percentage of wealth in the country. And of course, people on social media automatically went into a victim mode, blaming the rich and pitying the poor.

I am not saying that the wealth distribution is fair and just. But really, should we be surprised at the statistics when we see how most of the world’s population think, feel and behave and fall into the habit of being victim so so easily?

There are two ways we can respond to this situation, either by asking ourselves, what is it that the rich are doing differently? And how can I learn this different method? OR, we could blame the rich, blame the economy, blame the government, blame the planet, blame our parents, blame everyone except take action and learn from the situation.

Just like the situation I observed as mentioned at the beginning of this article. What are the two things the people could do? Learn that they should turn up early OR stand there and complain. Which will serve them in the longer term?

What I have learned in life, and I am sure many of you have as well, is that whenever I complain, whatever I desire to achieve will slip through my fingers and drift further away from me. But if I ask myself, ok so there is a huddle in front of me, what can I learn and what can I do about this? the universe seem to conspire to give me a solution. This makes me feel so empowered! It is as if shifting gear is allowing the stronger force of the Universe to come into my mind, heart and life, and I believe this is really so.

I have a low tolerance for people who complain. I avoid them and have no desire to spend time with them. I do not like to listen to complaints. Because I have realised that all they want to do is to suck energy out of people to fight their cause as they are just weak and possibly lack courage to do it themselves. But no one can fight this fight for them, only they can pick themselves up, and sort themselves out.

This is not to say that I do not ever complain, I do, much to my own displeasure. I believe it is a cultural habit and it is easy to get caught and go into that mode. However, as soon as I become aware when I do, I would as quickly as possible get out of it, tell myself to shut up, stop wasting my energy on victimization and get on with life.

Are you ready to kick this bad habit too?

©2013, 2016 Shamala Tan