I’ve been spending some time looking back at my old blogs and writings. Some I recognise and some blew my current mind, in the sense of a wake up call. Thanks, I needed that -.-
I decided to re-post this one because it was something that a friend and I were talking about a few days ago, and I think it is still relevant to me, and I am sure to many of you. Enjoy!
We all know we have powerful minds and we can create anything just by imagining and letting the creation flow into the mental realm. And then there is this funny bit about our minds where we create and give meanings to things/people/places when it is not even there.
I think this happens a lot in human relationships. Where people give too much meanings to what other people are saying or not saying, or what other people are doing or not doing. This seems to happen to people you have ‘arrowed’ either because you like them, or because you don’t.
I experienced this a couple of weeks ago with someone I know who is part of a group I am involved in. And as I have certain responsibilities to this group, I have to perform certain duties which enables the group to function more effectively. However, my responsibility and actions to the group also meant that I was not going to win a popularity contest. Well, to cut a long story short, my good intentions have been mis-intepreted time and again, simply because the person in question thought I was out to get her on the personal level. When in reality, I really don’t know her well and have no desire to engage in these sort of energies.
So in this situation, this person has ‘arrowed’ me as an ‘enemy’ so anything I say or do will be taken in bad light. From the looks of it, she is probably going through a bit of a challenging time in her own life.
In the case of people one may have ‘arrowed’ as someone they like, well, they also give too much meanings to what they say, and do. In one of my previous posts, a lady obsessed with a man started to give too much meaning to everything around the man! We may think we only hear of stories like these happening with teenagers, but seemingly stable and mature adults do this too!
From what I have learned and observed and in my many years of interaction with people as a coach and teacher, I have come to realise that most people have these compulsion to be obsessive with other people’s actions and words and giving too much meaning to them, because they are using it as a route to run away from the reality of life. Most of the time, they are dealing with some harsh challenges that they are not able to deal with emotionally or mentally, and so they focus their attention on someone or something they have ‘arrowed’ and begin to think that these feelings and thoughts they have are real.
We see this sort of things happening when a person is on a relationship rebound, or going through a bad patch in their own relationship. And the person feels ‘in love’ with the new person.
Now, this can happen in the work environment too. When a person is stressed and overworked, there is a tendency to give too much meaning to the words and actions of one’s colleague or boss, either negatively or positively in extreme ends of the pendulum. And sometimes, the person can act on them with negative repercussions! People have been fired or sometimes they resign simply because they have given too much meaning to things.
How then do we really know if we have given too much meaning to things?
One of the best ways is asking yourself:
- Do I feel I dislike or like this person/place/thing deeply right now?
- Am I feeling challenged/stressed/unhappy in my life right now in the area of career/relationship/loss/family/finances?
If you answer yes to both of these questions, there is a chance that you have given too much meaning to the thing/feeling/thought/action in question.
We cannot possibly have a clear perspective about ourselves and life when we are feeling challenged in any way.
I also think it is almost impossible not to be challenged at any one time in our lives! So what do we do then?
One of the key things to do is not to be attached to any thoughts or feelings you have created. And most of all, not to act upon these feelings/thoughts. Simply allow them to float by…..I know this will be challenging but really, this is the best part of the lesson!
As the quote above says, “Don’t make a permanent decision with your temporary emotion.” Trust me, all of these will pass in time when you are in a clearer space within yourself.
The true meaning of what you have experienced will come to you like the sun’s rays on a cloudy day. Be patient and wait for it…..
PS. I came across this article in the New York Times just the other day, I thought it would be apt to share this with you – it is about a wife’s journey through her husband’s mid life crisis and how she dealt with it. Check it out >>>http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0