This is not going to be a popular post with coaches, but hey, I do what I do to give a voice to what is needed to be said. So here goes:
A friend of mine said something really interesting in one of our many conversations, which made me brew over this topic for some weeks now. He said that he is very wary of coaches because it seemed as if these coaches themselves need to be healed and cleared of their baggage! Yet they want to save the world.
I laughed at this. Because as much as it sounds a little ironical, maybe a tad mean, what he said is SO TRUE!
In my line of work, I deal with broken people all the time, whether they are spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically broken, and a lot of the times, those who are emotionally broken have a deep wish and desire to help other people. They feel an urgency to do so.
I myself came from a broken past. That is not to say that I am 100% ok and perfect now, well, no body is. The thing is coaches get the most flak for this because, aren’t they supposed to be perfect before they help others?
THE TROUBLE WITH COACHES
Yes, the trouble with coaches is that, well, the list is really endless. They themselves are to blame, mostly. Not all the blame, but most.
You see, coaches have a tendency to project themselves as the know-it-all, they have all the answers, they have the ideal and perfect life, they earn the tonnes of money, they know all the right people, they are so spiritually connected, they have the perfect marriage, they have the perfect kids. C’mon, it is unrealistic. But this is what coaches do. They project this image to the world through their websites, their workshops, and through their social media platforms.
I personally frown upon inauthenticity because I have met far tooooo many coaches due to self esteem issues constantly trying to have the one-up against me. Good examples for this would be woman coaches I meet in networking events telling me they have heard of me and then go on to say how much better they are than me. Some more blatant than others. O-KAY, I let you win. I am not going to have a battle with you, it really doesn’t matter to you or me, who is better. Ultimately, are our individual clients getting what they need?
So you see the trouble with coaches is that because they are helping other people, they feel they need to be better than everyone else in order to shine, and they feel a sense of competition, as if there are not enough clients to go around. Wake up, there are 7 billion people on this planet! The real issue is their own lack of confidence in themselves and in their own work – I am serious, it is sad but true.
I admire coaches who are real, unpretentious and confident in the right way with who they are and what they do.
THEN, there are coaches who think they are demi-gods. They think they know what is better for someone else, they offer unsolicited advice to anyone and everyone, they think they are God’s gift to mankind and they are here to SAVE THE WORLD! Eye rolling moment here. Their over-confidence is a turn off. But we know that the over confidence once again stems from the lack of self confidence. Do you really need to prove anything if you are who you claim to be?
Another type of coach who gives a bad name to the coaching industry are those who are NOT COACHABLE. Yeah, that’s a laugh right? Yup, there are many out there. They are not open to learning or constructive feedback, and more often than not cannot transform or change to save themselves.
Coaches who try to heal others without first looking at their own baggage will have the hardest time. They will practice what is known as spiritual bypassing. They use spiritual or some philosophical reasons for not looking at their own stuff, they simply gloss over, read some books and think they know it. As we all know, knowing something and being something are two different ball games. Coaches who read too much without practicing what they know in REAL LIFE will have their karma nip them in their own butt. And when I say karma, I mean they will come crashing down because their spiritual illusions will become too heavy for their ego structure to hold. There is no real foundation in their ego structure to hold the spiritual mumbo jumbo they feed themselves with.
Do I sound like I am whining? Bear with me. I am writing this because there are far too many inauthentic coaches that the real deals, the true warrior coaches who do best work sometimes drown in the sea of flakiness. I want to honour all those who do good work, and I personally have benefited from learning from some really powerful coaches who are real people, with a good amount of faults and problems, and they share them openly and they swear at the right things, and they are not afraid for people to see who they really really are, and they hold no judgments and they laugh with me at all the tough shit we go through in life. They have good crazy in them.
Stay away from those with bad crazy. I’ll write about bad crazy stuff in another post for another time.
When you find a coach, make sure they have stuff that they are working on and are able to share with you authentically what worked and what didn’t work for them. Oh yes, and also suss out if they have the perspective about life that is suitable for you. These coaches will be the ones who will let you find your own voice and will lead you to what is right for you…..
Yeah, coaches have truckloads of baggage which contribute to war wounds and hard knocks if they know how to deal and work it right.
If you wish to post the above article on your own website or for any other publication, please feel free to do so, however we do request that you include the following after the article: “Written by Shamala Tan, Holistic Health Coach aka Modern Medicine Woman Please visit her website www.modernmedicinewoman.com.sg to download a free copy of a ‘live’ discussion and meditation on how to identify the blocks in your physical, emotional and mental bodies”